


It's Okay

by castielsangelcondom



Series: Trans Alex [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is so smol omfg, Comfort Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FTM, First Time, Hamilton - Freeform, Loss of Virginity, M/M, My First Smut, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 13:04:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9492110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielsangelcondom/pseuds/castielsangelcondom
Summary: Alexander is having anxiety because he didn't tell Thomas he was trans. Thomas is okay with it. It's Alex's first time and Thomas makes him feel good.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like it, this idea came to me and I just *wipes tears* I hope you like it. Idk alex is precious

   Thomas knocked agaisnt the the door in an attempt to get alexander's attention. Alex had been crying for almost an hour now.

        "Alex.", Thomas said, his voice hoarse. "Open the door baby, it's okay, I'm sorry." Alex's sobs continued to ring out from the other side of the door.

        "N-No it's not okay, I-I lied to you, I w-was gonna tell you, but I didn't want to loose you and I just, I just-"

      Thomas interrupted his boyfriend who was hiccuping and stumbling through his words. "First of all, stop it Alex, you are not, going to loose me okay?"

      Thomas wished the door was unlocked, all he wanted was to hold the other, make sure he knew how loved he was, that Thomas didn't care.

      He knew Alex like the back of his hand, and he knew he was pushing him away to protect himself, telling himself that Thomas hated him. He heard Alex's crying slow into little sniffles and he sighed.

     "Open the door for me baby boy. It's okay." A couple minutes of silence passed before he felt the door cave in and a tight grasp around him. He hugged the smaller man tightly, rubbing his thumbs into the others sides. He felt his shirt get damp with tears. He heard Alex mumble something into his shirt.

      "What baby?", he said eyebrows furrowed. He tilted Alex's head up by his chin, wiping his tears. "I didn't know how to tell you." Alex mumbled. "I was scared, I thought, that you wouldn't want me anymore, I was going to tell you, I promise, but I just fell so fast and then i had so much anxiety and I could never find the right time. I-I- "

      Thomas cut off his babbling by pressing his lips to the shorter, Alex melting under his touch. Once seperated he pressed his forehead against his.

"I dont care Alex."

     Alex wanted to cry right then hearing those other words, he had lost so much in his life, trying to become who he felt inside, and he had finally found someone who saw him as a 100% that, and though he knew it wasn't healthly, he was ready to hate himself if it meant losing Thomas.

    "I'm just, I'm not mad and I understand why, I just wish you would've talked to me Alex. I care about your comfort, and I would have talked to you about us having sex more in depth if I would've known, I need to know that you feel comfortable with me, and comfortable with me touching you. Hell, if you even want to have sex at all. But you not any less of a man to me, and you never will be. Besides dicks are overrated anyways."

     Alex's crying had all but stopped and he laughed at Thomas's attempt to make him feel better.

    "I didnt know, if you were gay, or-" "Why didnt you just ask me darlin?" He said, eyebrow raised. Alex's face flushed red. "Never a good time." he mumbled.

     "Well for your information, I am gay, and you are male unless I missed something?" Alex burried his head into the taller's chest again.

     "What's down there doesn't change that I want to be with you, and I wish I could explain it but i cant, and though I've never been in this situation, we'll work this out and I just know I love you too fucking much to care."

     Alex looked up at Thomas. Thomas stared back at him worried, warm umber eyes glazed over with endearment. Alex got his tiptoes to reach Thomas lips and Thomas laughed.

   "Dont laugh at me, help me you asshole." Alex squeaked as Thomas's strong hold instead lifted Alex up so that his legs where wrapped around Thomas's hips and Alex was now peering down at him face flushed red. Alex leaned foward capturing Thomas in a kiss.

     "You're beard tickles." Alex said whining. "Ah there's my Hamilton. and mine is perfectly styled thank you, you however seem to have some stubble sweetheart." Thomas said southern accent accentuated on the last word but drowned out as he nuzzled his head into Alex's neck.

    Thomas's lips ghosted over Alex's neck making the smaller boy's breathe hitch and a wave of goosbumps wash over his skin. He lightly kissed there, knowing it was one of his boyfriend's more sensitive zones.

"Is this okay?" He mumbled into his neck.

     "Please do it again." Alex said breathlessly, not used to being touched like this, he knew where it was going, where they had left off before he had run into the bathroom. He wanted this though. He wanted Thomas.

     These sensations where all new and they made him feel something he knew he wouldn't be able to say no to. Thomas himself was feeling wound up. Knowing what was coming. Just him and Alex together here and now and nothing else mattered. He could hear the patterns of his boyfriend's breathing change as he mapped and kised different areas of his neck.

     He pulled from under his neck placing his forehead against the other's. "Tell me what you want darling, be honest with me, if you say you dont want this, we can stop and sit on the sofa and just cuddle, if you say you want this...we'll take it from here and whatever makes you feel comfortable."

   Alex thought about it, how it would feel, what he wanted from Thomas. He wanted to feel this close with him but he didn't want him to see. See what was under his clothes and realize he wasnt attracted to Alexander at all. That he just did this out of pity. It was like the body dysmorphia demon that he kept at bay was full frontal now of all moments and pushing him to shut down.

    "P-put me down." Alex said hesitantly. Thomas set him down his hand lingering on the others hips but letting go. Alex stood back and looked down. "I-I know what you're attracted to and I not- I mean I- You do know that I have-" He stumbled over his words.

    "Alex I need you to trust me. We're not doing this tonight if you're not ready plan and simple." Thomas reaches forward to just pull the other into hug but Alex held out his hand and pusshed him away. Thomas felt a pang in his chest and bit his lip thinking ' _What did I do wrong?'_ Alexander let out a long breathe hands gripping the hem of his shirt.

   He closed his eyes and quickly pulled off his shirt before he lost his nerve. He tried not to think about his scars from top surgery or any other marks on his body that would make him anxious. He then unbuttoned and slid his jeans off. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked down.

       He was bare, well emotionally, and he still had on his boxers, the barest he'd ever been to another human. "I um. I- this, this is me, I know its not much to look at. Im sorry im not, im not." Alex felt tears well in his eyes.

    "Alex, you're the most beautiful little shit I've ever had the honor of seeing in my life." "What?" He said voice barely audible. Thomas pulled his shirt and pants off.

    "I dont know if this helps but my shirts and pants are off too sweetheart if they makes you feel more even." Thomas grabbed Alex by the waist and pulled him inwards. Alex's face was probably the color of a carnelian.

     He had never felt skin like this against him, never been this close to someone like this. It felt good. Weird but good. Thomas moved to the bed and sat on it sitting against the headboard. "Get on the bed and get on my lap for me sweetheart."

    Alex complied straddling him nervously his feet curling back and forth as he tried to keep himself calm. Thomas looked at Alex with a loom that could only be described as pure love and adoration and all that gushy shit Thomas thought he could avoid forever. Thomas caressed Alex's face then slid his hand behind the other's head and giving him a look at to say "May I?" Alex nodded.

     Thomas pulled out the hair tie and Alex's shoulder length locks fell, immediately framing his face. "Beautiful." Thomas murmured. Seemingly taking in all of Alex's body. Alex squirmed under his gaze. Thomas grabbed the other's hands and intertwined them with his.

     "I'm going to make this as pleasurable for you as possible, you deserve this." and before Alex's face could flush red again he had captured Alex in another kiss except this time deeper. More intimate.

    Thomas's tongue was in his mouth and if Alex were to be honest he felt completely lost at this level of intimacy and yet he still whimpered into Thomas's mouth, feeling like he was melting under his touch. Thomas pulled apart and nudged at him to lay down next to him Alex complied, his breathe hitching when Thomas hovered above him.

     "Relax. I'm going to take care of you." Alex nodded blushing, he knew all he could do was lie back and trust Thomas at this point. Finally getting over his merves he realized just how amazing the man above him was. Warm brown eyes attentive but filled to the brim with lust. Alex realized just 1ahow much he was throbbing with arousal and just how wet he was, inner thighs clenching together. Thomas placed his hands on Alex's knees, rubbing them reassuringly.

     Thomas mumbled something comforting but almost unintelligible as he slipped Alex's boxers down his legs.

   Alex's breath hitched and he felt his heart beating, no pounding out of his chest. He was terrified and he knew Thomas could feel his legs shaking. Thomas kissed his inner thigh. "Relax baby."

    Alex let out the huge breath he had been holding as he felt Thomas's mouth on his clit. He legs seemed to unconsciously move Thomas's head closer against him, as his leg rested on his upper back.

   Whatever Thomas was doing down there felt great and Alex squirmed as he didn't quite know what to do with his hands, or if it was okay to make noise or not.

   His breath paused as he looked down seeing Thomas's gaze on him as he licked a stripe up his pussy. "Thomas, please."

   He whined, pining for more, he didn't even really know what more meant but he did know that every move Thomas made sent goosebumps rippling up his skin.

   Thomas looked up licking his lips and laughing. "You can put your hands in my hair if you want darlin'."

    Alex slid his hands down resting them comfortably against his boyfriend's scalp, slightly gripping his hair. Thomas hummed lowering his head again.

   Alex could feel something building in him as Thomas sucked on his clit and then moved slightly, plunging his tongue between his folds.

   "T-Thomas I." He breathing sped up, chesting moving up and down as he couldn't quite decribe the feeling that was coming over him. "Fuck."

   He pulled Thomas's hair as it hit him slowly and then all at once. Waves of pleasure crashing over him and he clenched his eyes tightly not able to take the pleasure flowing through his body.

    He whimpered small curses as he came down from his high. Thomas came up, his gaze on him making him want to curl up into a ball. "Fuck I don’t, what was-" Alex said his voice small. "That, was an orgasm sweetheart." Thomas said chuckling and moving up, buring his head in Alex's neck, kissing it.

   "And you my dear sounded so wonderful." Alex whined, scooting from Thomas. Thomas pulled him closer, sucking on his neck. "Nope, I am going to worship you, and make you feel special, and make you make the most beautiful symphany of noises ever heard." Thomas accentuated every phrase with a kiss, ending the trail right behind Alex's lower ear.

   Thomas slid his hand down there, his finger rubbing his clit and sliding between his folds. He could feel Thomas smirk against his neck as he whispered in his ear. "You're so wet for me Alexander."

   Alex clenched his eyes shut again. God he couldn't take this. All his senses were over whelmed and all he could think about was Thomas. Thomas's voice, his touch. His, god that felt good. Every part of his mind was screaming for more. As if reading his mind, Thomas slid a finger inside him, the sensation making Alex shutter.

   "Have you ever touched yourself before darlin hm?" Alex shook his head, eyes still clenched shut. Almost if trying to block out the overwhelming sensations. He had never touched himself down there, never wanting to face it, never felt comfortable of the reminder of the thing that represented feminity. Thomas sat up a bit. Alex whimpering as he slid his finger out. He captured Alex's mouth in a kiss.

  Alex could taste something faint on his lips and he blushing knowing he was tasting himself. Thomas slid his finger back in. Thrusting it in, getting a steady rhythm. Alex moaned against his lips, trying to clench his legs shut. Thomas pulled then apart softly.

   "I don't want it to hurt anymore than it has to, I know it feels good, just hang on sweetheart." Alex nodded peering into his soft gaze. It was like in this moment he knew he trusted him with ever fiber of his being. He never thought he would be able to open up to someone like this, let alone feel such intense pleasure when it came to his body. He moaned louder when Thomas sped up a bit.

   "Fuck Thomas." He said, his back arching. Thomas slowed down kissing Alex's neck, as if to ground him amist the pleasure. He inserted another finger. The motions that accompanied that seeming to hit a spot he hadn't hit before.

"Faster please." Alex wanted to beg for more, beg for him to be inside him, all boundries his mind had set towards being touched down there seemed to fade away. Thomas's pace seemed to slow down.

   "Are you sure you're okay for this? Do you want this?" Alexander looked him straight in the eyes, everything in his core yearning for Thomas. "Please, I want you." Thomas almost seemed to shutter himself at Alex's desperation.

    Thomas pulled his fingers out. He reached for the nightstand, keeping one hand on Alex's stomach, his thumb rubbing into his hip. He grabbed the lube out of the nightstand and set it on the bed sitting back and taking off his boxers.

Alex blushed, he had never _seen_ Thomas. He had purposely avoided looking down there when he accidently walked in on him in the shower and he had felt Thomas in the mornings when he woke up hard against him, which may or may not have made him wet between his legs. But he had never seen Thomas.

   When Alex looked down scarlet practically blossomed over his cheeks. He was big. Really big. Well at least it felt that way. How the hell was he supposed to fit that inside of him? Thomas could seen Alex's eyes glaze over with worry. Thomas leaned foward.

   "Relax darlin, it'll fit. It might hurt but we can stop if it feels like too much. But you have to relax or it'll hurt more okay?"

    Alex let out a breath nodding as Thomas kissed his neck softly sitting back, so he could coat himself in lube. He held his breath as he felt Thomas's cock against his entrance. Thomas knew he was tensing up so he pressed his mouth against Alex's as he slid the tip in. It hurt, god did it hurt and Thomas could see that on his face.

   "Do you want me to stop?" Alex shook his head trying to steady his breating. "No just, just keep going please."

    Thomas kissed Alex again, this time sliding his tounge into his mouth. Once Alex had melted into his touch he thrusted in entirely. Alex groaning in the process. "Ow, Thomas. It hurts." He breathed, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes and sliding down his face. Thomas kissed away his tears, caressing his hips. "I'm so so so sorry sweatheart, there's not any easy way to do this." Alex focused on Thomas's touch on his hip, trying to get adjusted to the pain though it burned.

    "Just focus on me baby boy." Thomas kissed him on the dip of his neck, focusing on the most sensitive spot. Alex sighed feeling content with that familiar pleasure.

    Soon the pain subsided and he felt this unsure feeling, wanted Thomas to fill it. "You can move Thomas."

    Thomas looked at him unsure. "Are you sure baby?"

   "M-Move Thomas." he said wrapping his arms around his neck and peering into his eyes. Thomas groaned as he thrusted into him. Alex felt amazing like this. Alex whimpered feeling incredibly full.

   "God Alex, so amazing, fuck." Thomas was unable to keep the praises from falling from his mouth, wanting to hold the boy even closer for the immense pleasure he was giving him. Alex pulled Thomas in more with his legs, encouraging the other to thrust deeper.

    "Thomas I can't-" His voice felt choked. As he felt so good he wanted to scream. "Alex please don't hold back, you sound so beautiful baby boy." He bit his lip as he thrusted, picking up speed. "God so tight." Alex screamed out as Thomas picked up speed. A light sheen of sweat covering both of their bodies.

   The only sounds that could be heard where their moans and the intensity of their bodies meshing together.

   "Thomas, Thomas, Thomas." these were the only words that he could process, the only thing his mind could focus on was the pleasure he was giving him. Thomas slid his hand from Alex's hip his thumb rubbing his clit in circles as he thrusted.

   "Fuck Thomas!" He whined. Moving against him. The feeling of his hand on his clit combined with the depth Thomas was reaching inside him. "Thomas please." His voice was ragged and hoarse from screaming.

   "I-I can't, please Thomas." Tears welled up in his eyes but this time for a different reason. From pleasure, from the amount of sensations he was feeling. From the emotions he felt towards Thomas. How much he loved him and god it was all too much.

   "Cum for me baby, it's okay." A few seconds later and Alex was over the edge again. Moaning Thomas's name as it crashed over him again, this time making his vision go black and white. The feeling of Alex clenching around him was too much and Thomas came too. Groaning as he came inside of Alex. Alex held the other tight as he felt Thomas's warm release inside of him. Both Alex and Thomas tried to catch their breath as they came down together.

   Thomas layed on Alex's chest, chest still moving up and down hurridly. "Hold on baby." Alex winced as Thomas pulled out of him. The discomfort quickly taken over by embarassment when he felt Thomas's cum between his thighs.

   "You okay?" Thomas said looking him in the eyes and wiping his cheek. Alex was crying. "Why are you crying? Did I do somet- Alex cut him off, kissing him and laughing. "No, Thomas that was."

   He laughed, another tear sliding down his face. "I'm just an emotional shit who loves you too damn much. It was just really intense and, and I can't explain because it just felt so good a-and and I just fuck." Alex bit his lip trailing off and laughing trying not to cry again.

   "I love you too darlin'." Thomas laughed with him laying next to him and pulling him inwards.

"Thank you." Alex murmured.

"For what?" Thomas said tracing circles on Alex's shoulder.

"Making me feel loved."

Alex closed his eyes and buried his head into the crook of Thomas's neck. He felt safe there.

  "Always." Thomas said smiling and closing his eyes.


End file.
